Shame is the feeling that “I am not good enough” or “I am not worthy”.
Are you stuck in shame?
If you are, it will be very challenging for you to step into your innate zone of genius and live your best life. It will impact who you are, what you do and with whom you relate.
This lower frequency energy will bind you to dim your light and play small. It will stop you from fulfilling your destiny.
Are you ready to ditch shame and live your brilliance?
Shame is the lowest vibration in the human spectrum. It is the very core belief that “I am bad”, which lingers as a visceral experience and outcasts every thought, feeling and action. Compared to guilt which is “I did something bad”, therefore I can always change my behaviour in the future, Shame is a state of being that debilitates the life force energy to live and create on a soul level as the underlining core belief is: “I am not good enough.”
Shame was the primary state of my being for over two decades as a result of much childhood trauma, which includes years of sexual molestation by my stepfather at the age of seven years old.
It was a heavy luggage to carry which crippled me on every level: physical, emotional, relational and social.
Shame is born because of so many reasons like :
- Childhood wounds from birth, mother, father, sister, brother and wounds passed by the lineage.
- Traumatic experiences
- Fear of rejection
- Having limiting believes that blocks you from experiencing your greatness
- Not fitting into the expectations of others: parents, family, friends and society at large
- Not fitting into the “standards” presented by the mainstream media, current fashion, trends, etc
- Being afraid to express your voice or live your truth
- bondage to a tradition or religion which doesn’t fit your core essence
- Different gender preferences
- Unsuccess or failures
- betrayals, and so on.
I will dare to say that we are all experiencing some shame unless… we consciously choose to evolve and mindfully do the work to drop shame.
I have managed to free myself from shame completely as well as help many other people to do so. Here are the steps to follow to eradicate shame forever and live a fulfilling life:
1. Set an Intention
Your intention is like an arrow of electromagnetic charge, and when it is directed with clarity, it has the power to manifest your intent. Have a precise intention to let go of shame and to embody a new empowering narrative toward yourself. Once you made this intention it’s like a commitment with your soul. You are on the right path.
2. Be Authentic
Become who you are born to be. Most of us have not received unconditional love just for the mere wonder of our existence. We have received love and acceptance conditional to meeting requirements: be or behave a certain way, acheive or follow expectations.
You are worthy as you are, you don’t need to become anything or anyone to be worthy of love. You are the unique expression of the Divine, just as you are in the human version with all your flaws. Being authentic is not about doing anything but rather undoing all that has been programmed in your early years of who you should be. This especially relates to your parents, family members, teachers and society at large, who gave you direct or indirect messages of what you need to be in order to be loved and accepted. By reclaiming your true nature, you are freeing yourself from the hooks and impact of shame which is a direct indication that you are not being true to yourself but rather wearing a mask or trying to fit into a certain box. As you close the gap between who you should/ could or would be to who you actually are, you liberate yourself from shame.
Encourage yourself to take little steps out of your comfort zone as this will straighten the muscle of reclaiming your authenticity, do things that feel uncomfortable. Remember that you grow when you out of your comfort zone. For example: are you scared to speak in public? I dare you to speak in public (even if you shake, sweat and mumble…!) and this fear will slowly dissipate. You will experience an immense breakthrough! Guarantee.
3. Be Vulnerable
Shame is the fear of disconnection. We are all long to feel connected; it is our primal need. Therefore, when we are not feeling worthy or good enough, we are afraid to express and share our flaws as we are scared people will not like us or accept us if they know who we truly are. We all have flaws and human’s imperfections, we all make mistakes. Being transparent about ourselves takes courage. The more we train ourselves to be real and vulnerable in our communication, the more we will discharge shame. It’s the direct antidote for shame. Being vulnerable is not a weakness but rather a strength, which naturally melts barriers between people and creates a real heartfelt human connection which actually deepens intimacy.
4. Be Emotionally Responsible
Whatever is happened to you is not your fault but it is your responsibility to heal. Make a conscious decision to rise up in the positive emotional Spiral. We have two energetic spirals, almost like tornados going up and down. (check the following diagram) A build-up of various emotions together creates a strong current to propel you through the Spiral, either rising up or diving down.
If it is a strong current of negativity swipes you aka shame, guilt, jealousy etc. It is a heavyweight pushes you downhill through the negative Spiral.
You can consciously fill your self with actions, thoughts and external input which generates positive emotions to create a strong current which will elevate you and pull you up the Spiral. Love, compassion and gratitude are the highest positive emotions on the scale of the human spectrum. Indulge yourself with self-love and self-compassion. Take good care of your self, listen to the needs of your body, do more of what brings you joy. Let pleasure be your inner compass. Do more of wha makes your heart sing and shame will subside.
5. Improve your inner dialogue
How you talk to yourself is how you treat your inner- child that lives within you forever.
Are you a nurturing, loving-kind inner parent?
Bring the light of your awareness, aka your inner witness into continuously observing the way you speak with yourself. Sometimes your inner voice is a repetition of other voices who influenced you growing up. It’s your choice to claim your own voice and start treating yourself as your best friend. How would you react to someone you love if they were struggling? You would most likely support, encourage and uplift them, offer help and care. Practice doing the same for yourself when you feel down, struggle or feel hurt. Consciously catch yourself if you start judging, criticising, putting you down or punishing yourself. Make it a habit, to pause. Place your hands on your heart and take a deep breath. Say to yourself a positive affirmation like:
I am love. I am worthy. I am divine. I am powerful. I am human or any other affirmation that feels resonating with you.
I have created this FREE resource for you: a collection of printable affirmations which you can colour-in if you wish (they are also beautiful black & white) and hang everywhere.
Click here to download a set of gorgeous printable affirmations
You can add more of your own ones and use it instead of any negative talk with yourself. By doing so repetitively, you will create new wiring in your brain, literally new neurological pathways which will be the new way for how you treat yourself. You have the ability to reprogram your brain, as it’s neuro-plasticity nature can change and shift to new realities, use this to your benefit.
Please note this too: every-time you fail to do so and repeat the old pattern of negative self-talk just be patient with yourself. Treat this as you would treat a baby learning to walk. Be kind to yourself. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again. Soon it will be your new natural way of relating to yourself.
6. Move your body
Movement is a vital key to keep the body healthy but also to discharge and shift suppressed emotions. Movement releases oxytocin, the hormone that makes you feel good and unlocks the channel of communication with the divine.
There are many ways to move the body, so find the way you enjoy most. My favourite ones are yoga and dance.
Yoga cultivates balance and harmony, strength and flexibility in the body, mind and spirit. As a yoga teacher, I do my daily practice, it doesn’t have to be a long practice to be effective, even ten minutes have the power to create a shift and set a positive tone to your day.
Dancing is my prayer. Dropping off my guards and moving to the sounds of good music, letting my body direct the movement and expresses itself as it is in the present moment is a profound way to shift and transform, and is an instant outlet of pent up emotions.
I like to say: do you feel angry? Dance it! Do you feel sad? Dance it! Do you feel ecstatic? Dance it!
7. Connect to Nature
Connection is the antidote to shame. We are Nature and this is when we feel most at home. Spending time in Nature helps us connect back with ourselves. We are made from the earth, our body contains the same minerals as the Earth. The frequency of the Earth heals us. Walk barefoot on the Earth and feel the recharge. Tune into this life force energy that moves through the universe as well as through you. Fire fuels your passions and digestion, Water is your blood, and Air gives you life and keeps you alive and connected. You are made of the Elements, and by being in the vibration of nature, you recharge yourself with the unconditional Love force energy that is so abundant in Nature. This connection eradicates shame.
8. Forgive yourself
Before you can ever forgive others for their mistakes, you must learn to forgive yourself first. Remember that you are a child of the Divine and you are here to explore life in the human body. Life is a challenging path and at times you stumble. This is part of your teachings for your growth and evolution. you always do the best you can with where you are and what you have, until you know better. Cultivate self-compassion. You are a perfect imperfection, you are lovable as you are.
9. Heal with the medicine of Water
Your tears, sweat and sexual fluids are healing potions in your body. If you let them flow, they will cleanse your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies, and have an after effect of calm and overall feeling good.
Mother’s natures natural waters are an incredible source of healing, cleansing and aligning, so swimming in oceans, lakes and rivers is highly recommended.
Lately, I have been enjoying cold emersions in the freezing waters of the Atlantic Ocean, here on the tip of South Africa. It took me years to build the courage to do so. I love warmth. So I am really gratful for my friend, taking me to the ocean with a gentle push and encouraging me to stay in the water for about twenty minutes.
It comes more naturally now after I have been doing it for two months daily and let me tell ya… it is amazing! Every cell of my body vibrates with aliveness for hours after.
Waterfalls are yummy too! So indulge your self in the sacred waters, they feed your cells with life force energy and feed your body with life supporting bacteria.
10. Transform with the medicine of Breath
Take a deep breath. It is an instant anchor to the present moment and to your body. Bring your awareness to your breath often, deepen, soften.
The air you breath is not only oxygen and nitrogen, it is Spirit. It is the universal intelligence.
As a clarity breathwork facilitator, I have witnessed time and time again, how people shift and transform their trauma and clear pain and tap into their zone of genius.
For more info on Clarity breathwork press here.
Blessings on your journey,
If you have any questions or suggestions on healing the shame that binds you, please enter in the comments below, I would love to hear from you!
Lots of love,
Nunaisi🌹
