The Inner-Child Wound

 

“A grownup is a child with layers on” 

– Woody Harrelson

Whether you had an idyllic childhood, an extremely challenging one, or anything in between, we all experienced childhood wounds. 

You might look back and wish that you’d had more love, attention, affection, support, playful adults, protection, sense of belonging, security, resources, guidance, freedom, acceptance, encouragement, acknowledgement, or anything else. No one’s childhood was perfect—and some people’s were pretty harrowing. 

No matter how old you are, the child you were once, still lives within you and will be there forever. Your inner child is the most real, innocent part of you; she is the authentic, truest core of your being. This essence transcends the artificial confines of your grown self.

Every child, with no exception, has talents, a unique set of traits, skills and innate wisdom to add to the collective mix and enrich the world. Sometimes these talents are hidden in the golden shadow, which is the untapped talents, inherited intelligence and unique creativity.

The golden shadow is the fear to be powerful. 

Many women shrink themselves and play small because they afraid to be rejected, judged or criticized, or they carry the ancestral anxiety of prosecution. 

When you dare to share your golden shadow, this divine aspect of you, you shine your light. You unlock its power and become more integrated.  

Suppose as a child, you grew up in a loving, supportive and safe environment. In that case, your child then healthily matures into adulthood and is naturally full of vitality and passion for life.

On the contrary, if as a child, you’ve experienced trauma, wounding, abuse, rejection, unmet needs, unacceptance, judgment, criticism, comparison, much stress, etc. You might be still struggling to fully mature into adulthood, no matter what is your actual age. You might be stuck at a “certain age”, and you subconsciously remain living life operating from a childlike reaction. 

You might be able to manage well some aspects of your life, while other areas are a struggle.

Your inner child unconsciously recreates a similar childhood environment by projecting roles of primal relationships onto others, such as mother, father and siblings onto her current relationships. For example, an unmet need to be seen by the father will be recreated with an authority figure and get projected onto a partner, teacher, boss, etc. And suppose, for instance, a child who was hurt by excessive criticism by her parents will be magnetic to attract criticism and will scan faces, voices, behaviours, and gestures looking for and therefore finding signs of criticism in the environment while overriding signs of love and support.

Ignoring your inner child does not make her go away, she will keep begging for your attention. She wants her needs met.

The pain from her unmet needs is longing to get resolved. Her suppressed emotions can erupt like a volcano when triggered, dominating the irrational reptilian brain which overtakes the logical thinking mind, usually resulting in an unwanted reaction.

Deep within you resides the memories of all the experiences you had as a child. These continue to live and interact with your present. Your Inner Child lives in your unconscious mind and influences how you make choices, respond to challenges, and live your life.

If your inner child is neglected, she will wither away in the deep and dark tomb of your psyches. The longer you bury this primal force within you, the more her energy gets transmuted into the shadows which then results in acting out the dark side of your wounded inner child in a messy, dramatic or destructive way.

Your inner child, when feeling triggered, can take over the rational mind and act childlike, swept by the intensity of your emotions. Often when you feel out of control of your behaviour or reaction to a situation, it’s your inner child acting up. Your inner child might still hold onto all those beliefs you learned as a girl — the part of you that accepted when an adult told you “you can’t sing” or a teacher told you how “nothing will come out of you”. The part of you that learned to sweep things under the carpet, behave a certain way, hide and repress emotions and wear a social mask to be accepted.

The goal of the inner child work is to heal those wounds, and get back in touch with your authentic self before the trauma or harmful experiences, to reconnect with the innocent joy & excitement you felt as a child and are your birthright.

With practice, you will see that your wounded child is not only you. Your wounded child may represent several generations. Your parents may have suffered throughout their life. Perhaps your parents weren’t able to look after the wounded child in themselves. When You embrace the wounded child in you, you’re embracing all the wounded children of your past generations too. The healing is not for yourself alone; it is also for numberless generations of your ancestors as well as the generations to come after you.

Healing and reparenting your Inner Child will allow you to ‘fill in the gaps’ and enable you to live a more rewarding and successful life—with fun, laughter, spontaneity, joy, authenticity, and most importantly, with love. 

Click here to download the inner-child healing meditation

I would love to hear from you how old is your inner child?

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Lots of love

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