The relationship with our own body is a very complicated one, the most complex relationship, perhaps. When we experience bodily trauma, we are naturally hardwired to deny or reject it, but this does not resolve the pain and the hurt but instead helps it grow. Having a good relationship with ourselves and our bodies is where the journey of self-love begins.
Any pain, tension, and stress in us will continue to build until it turns into chronic pain, which is pain that lasts longer than a period of three months. If you are experiencing chronic pain, it can indicate emotional trauma and a lack of self-love. It means that you are holding onto memories of pain and suffering, which are converted into a cycle of pain spasms by your nervous system.
Anyone who experiences sexual trauma tends to react similarly, suppressing feelings and emotions about the incident and blaming themselves. People start believing that they deserve to be defined as someone shameful or repulsive, which leads them to perceive sex negatively and attach feelings of pain and shame to it, rather than feelings of self-love.
The emotions and judgments we make about ourselves, our situation, or the narrative that we have in our mind can weigh heavily on our body’s tissues and change the physiology of our body. There are ways of combining modern science with ancient healing practices to relieve and heal the sexual trauma and pain we have experienced and return to feelings of self-love.
The memories of a traumatic event can cause a contraction in our body, of which we are entirely unaware. Our nervous system works in mysterious ways – it holds and locks those memories in our minds. Whenever someone experiences a sexually traumatic event, their response is to either fight, flight or freeze. The most common bodily response is to freeze, and the most uncommon one is to fight.
However, some ways and techniques can help us tap into our bodies and unlock those ill feelings. Acceptance eventually leads to healing, and each person’s process and healing journey to self-love will look different.
Some might find peace in praying, some in yoga, and others in dance. If someone seeks transformation and is willing to work hard on themselves, then anything is possible! We are powerful and sufficient for our healing, and this healing happens when we focus on our body-mind, emotions, and energy. We need to accept that our bodies serve us and that self-love is a significant factor in healing.
People tend not to emphasize or focus on their emotional pain, which leads to suffering. Pessimism and negativity lead to failure – failure to accept, heal and move from the pain. If we are hard on ourselves, that will eventually end in more hardness. We also need to learn to be more empathetic, approachable, and supportive of those around us because everyone tries to do their best to move along and love themselves despite their circumstances.
You can become in charge of your own body and help it reset. It can do wonders if you accept pain as a learning experience and channel your energy into awareness and exercise. It’s as simple as laying down and using your diaphragm, the inspiration muscle, to guide you by focusing on breathing. As you inhale and exhale, try to focus on areas of improvement, places where you may have become stagnant and need more flow. Hold your pain and reset. Visualize the pain leaving your body as you exhale, imagine what your pain sounds like and let it go.
Acknowledging and expressing that pain can make you feel grateful.
The three-posture (put a pillow under your back, and lay down in Baddha Konasana – a reclined bound angle posture in yoga) is a magical posture. It can be done in bed, every night. Remind yourself that you are like a wave; you are energy in motion; all you need is self-love.
What you believe, you become – so it is essential to let go of those beliefs that have become part of our existence and are weighing you down. Visualize what you want your body to feel like and your sexual life to be like too. We can deliberately create what we are looking for rather than waiting for it to be given to us. Take responsibility for yourself, create your own beliefs and practice compassion, acceptance, self-love, and forgiveness.
If you are looking to heal yourself, you need to develop a loving relationship with whatever you are trying to overcome because healing is love. Tantra is precisely this, so go ahead and replace your anger with love, and love yourself more.
Instead of being angry about why something happened to you, try to use it as an opportunity to grow. Asking yourself why something happened leads to more stress and tension, and you will ultimately get caught in a cycle of suffering.
People who believe sexuality declines as you grow older can not be further away from the truth. It is about your state of mind and willingness to grow and learn. You can do what you want, and it is never too late to do exactly that and find love within yourself.
Sex is a taboo in so many cultures across the world, which holds us back from exploring love for ourselves and our sexuality. However, truly understanding yourself and becoming an agent of your pleasure is essential because it affects your sexuality and other aspects of your life.
Although a necessary step in the right direction, the Me Too movement has also impacted the mental state of men. Often innocent men, who have not caused anyone or anything any harm. The shaming and blaming of all men has created a sense of shame at being masculine.
The underlying issue is that people are unaware of their bodies and their sexuality. The prevalence of sex education for teens and adults can help people become more empowered. Often men are unaware of women’s bodies and needs, and women end up complaining, being unfulfilled, and not feeling love for themselves.
It is essential to reach teenagers because it all starts when you are young and on the path to discovering yourself. Men are not as confident as we perceive them to be, and they are not taught the necessity of self-love. Often, mens’ first sexual experience is associated with shame, which they project onto their sexual parts.
The most common and natural reaction is to become hateful of men and the masculine energy, which is unnatural. Since we are not separate entities but are all one, we also hate the masculine energy within ourselves, which upsets the feminine-masculine balance.
Men can also work on themselves with their blooming interest in tantric practices, and they need to be understood. If you are scared of men, you will attract more reasons to be afraid. We can become agents of our own healing and help men instead of waiting around for men to help themselves or us; we can teach them the essence of self-love.
When you have healed and moved on, you will see that you are strong and can empower men to be open and vulnerable with you. When you vibrate peace and love, you will attract people at peace with themselves, those who vibrate a self-love frequency.
Today’s youth have far more confidence and awareness than what youngsters were like 30 years ago. They are aware that actions have consequences, which helps them be more expressive of their experiences. People back in the day were afraid to express their fears and experiences to avoid tarnishing their reputation and the reputation of their abusers. These suppressed emotions ultimately led to disaster and added trauma.
Reacting is normal and expected; the key is to realize that you are about to respond and catch yourself before going back to those negative feelings; this is a daily practice of self-love. Your perception is important because how you perceive things leads to hurt. Make a more conscious effort to be more perceptive and think before reacting. Rising above those ill feelings is the best way forward, as our hunt for acceptance and attention can do more harm than good.
It keeps you from glorifying someone and giving them the power to hurt you. We need to evoke compassion for one another and work through the urge to suppress our sexuality to turn things around for humanity, balance the feminine and the masculine, to make our relationships filled with love, kindness, empathy, respect, and playfulness.
So, let go of those feelings you are holding on to; they will only drag you down. Be free and enjoy your life by practicing self-love. Forgiving, forgetting, and moving on is a simple practice, but it can do
miracles and make your life beautiful.
It is destructive to seek love to complete yourself; instead, practicing self-love will vibrate love, positivity, and mutual respect. When you enter a relationship, you will do so as two complete individuals instead of two people seeking love and attention to fulfill themselves. Doing so will completely change the dynamics of the relationship and give you a different outlook on life.
Help educate those around you because education will help eradicate the taboo around sex and sexuality. Learn how to connect with your partner because it is healing and pleasurable at the same time. If you need someone to express yourself to, join a loving community that can help offer support. Surround yourself with people who inspire you to become empowered, remind you to love yourself, and take charge of your own sexuality and life.
Listen to the Podcast:
How to Love Yourself eBook: Seven Spiritual Keys for Transformation 👈 #Selflove
If you feel called to heal your sexual wounds, grab your copy of the Healing Sexual Wounds Summit here
FREE Sexual Healing Playbook 👈 #SexualHealing
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This blog was written from the I Rise Sexual Healing Summit session with Michelle.
Michelle Alva is integrating the latest in science with ancient wisdom modalities such as energy healing, NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), hypnosis, shamanic based rituals, sound healing, Yoga, and mindfulness-based meditation. She is passionate about her intention to educate and empower women and men to heal themselves, using a mindset-energy approach.
