What does it mean that humans are walking talking antenna and our nervous systems are responsible for tuning our frequency to survival or thriving? If our consciousness is the overriding factor in controlling our nervous system, creating new memories, and directing us toward thriving, how can we crystalize our new consciousness so we’re out of survival mode forever?
Nunaisi Ma 0:00
Hey guys and welcome to rise. I am so delighted to have Dr. Ray doctor with us. E is our p Syd works as a rapid breakthrough life coach. For the past 27 years, he successfully helped over a 6k clients break through limiting beliefs and challenges to have better relationships, improve family life and more success. Dr. Ray received his doctoral degree in clinical psychology, earned a master’s degree in counseling psychology, and an undergraduate degree in human behavior. Welcome, welcome, Dr. Ray.
Dr Ray Doktor 0:48
Thank you for having me.
Nunaisi Ma 0:50
It’s a pleasure. I know that you have been dedicated over 20 years in helping people transform trauma. And they deal with PTSD. And I know that you developed a very quick method to do that, right. Yeah,
Dr Ray Doktor 1:08
tell me sure about that. All right. So first off, when I say a quick method, I would not necessarily say like, it’s, it’s like that, however, when it most people have some level of trauma, and they’re not aware of it. And for the most part, with a lot of tensions on our planet right now, particularly in 2020, a lot of that is coming to the surface, people are not understanding why it is that they can’t function to why they maybe are agitated, why they’re snippy with their children, to maybe old memories are coming up and so forth.
And so most of us have unintegrated stories and experiences in us. And so when we feel we are pressured, when we’re stressed, and so forth, or there’s a situation that’s putting us literally in survival mode, such as, can I pay the bills? Do am I going to be safe?trau To do I have shelter, too, am I gonna be able to communicate with my, my neighbors, my community, because there’s been a lot of divided opinions about say the Coronavirus or whatever else. So people are feeling very stressed right now in their body.
And whatever had happened to them, say in the childhood or something else could be coming to the surface. So one of the share that right now, so when when I talk about trauma, I talked about the perspective of where it is something that’s not integrated. And so when you look at, say PTSD, from the perspective of something not integrated, it is an experience in which continues to loop, a loop and loop. Basically, we play it out. And more than often it’s unconscious.
So we could be having a conversation with our spouse, or their children, co worker, and all sudden, our nervous system becomes overstimulated. And we react, we might get violent, we don’t know where that’s coming from, because something is not integrated. When a person calls me, and they’re sharing their challenges, whether they have trauma or not. In that moment, typically, they have a version of themselves where they’re talking to me, Dr. Ray, this is me, this is what I want to work on.
And I have moments I become a different person or moments that things trigger me. I’ve experiences in which for whatever reason, I become this monster. In that moment, that person’s consciousness has the ability to be aware of how they prefer to be because you’re talking Dr. Ray trying to set an appointment to the version in which they don’t want to be.
That means that in every moment, that while there’s a version of yourself that you that you don’t want to be, there’s also a version of yourself that exists that you prefer to be otherwise you cannot be talking about the trauma from that higher perspective. There’s a part of you that has aware of it. So it’s kind of more if it’d be more accurately said is that how can I crystallize being more this better version of myself that thriving, versus this other part of me that goes into survival.
And so a big part of my work is connecting to that person’s experience. reality in which they prefer to be in hardwired in that in in a process of hardwired in that version, then say this PTSD, this trauma behavior starts to dissipate. Sometimes it disappears very quickly. versus the old model, whether it’s a coach or a therapist, typically the therapists they put a lot of energy on the trauma, the trauma, what happened the trauma and will While that client, that patient is talking about it, they’re actually reef reinforcing the trauma. In fact, it is contraindicated for like cycle analysts to work with someone who say, has PTSD, because the talking about it two, three times a week, has a tendency to bring it up, and there’s no solution. There’s no
Dr Ray Doktor 5:25
connecting to the greater version of themselves that they would want to be. So it’s just kickin all that up, and many people who are probably watching us, if you’ve seen a coach or therapist, and you felt worse. And there, Tony, well, this is what’s the this is the process? It doesn’t make sense. Well, now, you know, because your brain doesn’t discern time space reality. So when you’re talking about it, your posse bringing it up and even hardwiring the victimization. So a way that I work with clients is by being able to move into how they prefer to be. It’s not sweeping what had happened under the rug is just just a different approach. When you understand how consciousness overrides biology, consciousness overwrites any drama, or negative experience you’ve once have experienced.
Nunaisi Ma 6:20
Right? Yeah, that makes sense. You mentioned that you want to hardwired the the better vision of who we want to become. Can you talk more about? What does it mean to hardwire?
Dr Ray Doktor 6:37
Yeah, sure. Okay, so people are watching this, I’ll just do a little process, okay? Why not? Okay. So, of course, don’t do this if you’re driving, but close your eyes for a moment and just go on a little journey with me. And, as you hear my voice, notice, the other part of yourself, noticing my voice. Because obviously, you have to have the awareness of my voice, in the awareness of yourself observing my voice. In his now moment, just watching this interview, there’s two of you, there’s more, but let’s just talk about the two. Now let’s talk about the part of me that is observing my voice. And being able to connect to that version of yourself. Bring in your heart space into that bringing your joy and love to that space.
To that part of yourself that prefers to feel good, no matter what that prefers to feel good over being right. That prefers to feel good, regardless of the narrative that you can continue to perpetuate that doesn’t make you feel good. They’ll be in a space of just in this moment, I want to choose to feel good. If you were to practice this, rather than go into your head or the story, and you were to continue to move into a space of wanting to feel good. Your biology, your body is automatically going to basically connect other cells and create a neural net of this experience of this preference, your brain will literally connect to other cells of the neurons to where this becomes more of your preference. This is what it means to hardwire and it would be no differently if you were to say workout at the gym. And you do a certain pattern and you repeat this pattern that in time your body would grow it would stretch into the new way your body is to be created. So this is what it means to hardwire literally. So take a moment take three deep breaths in and then the third one slowly open your eyes
Nunaisi Ma 9:38
yeah, thank you for this demonstration. So you create space right? You create space involved with all the senses, the hearing the you know, visualizing and then and you meet that version of yourself that is whole and perfect and ready to rise.
Dr Ray Doktor 10:01
Some people might say, well, this is sounds like your active imagination. You’re absolutely right and a great way to validate you. But to also understand this in a way to where you realize it just is your imagination. I remember a friend of mine who had painted a picture, a beautiful picture of for a partner, and he lived in Italy. And when she sent it, she didn’t hear back from him. And in typically, they have a time that they connect. Now they connect at least, you know, two, three times a couple of text messages throughout the day. He didn’t respond. She went into a space of maybe it’s too much too soon, to she started touching up the picture, she started freaking out. 24 hours went by, and she literally was in almost like a panic attack. Like what happened all suddenly, she received an email with an mp3 recording of a song that he had written for her in his studio. He was so moved, he witnessed studio to record a song for her to proclaim His love for her, she inadvertently destroy the pitcher, created all this drama. And even in that moment, when he she, he’s, she’s, she received the song, she was so much in like this panic, she was almost angry at him that he didn’t let her know where he was at. And then it took her to, like calm down from wherever she was that space of not feeling worthy, or enough or whatever else she played out. To go on. Oh my God, my partner wrote me a song.
Nunaisi Ma 11:43
Right? How many times right we take and create such a story in our mind that is far removed from reality. And we just right get into, into the muck of it. And yeah,
Dr Ray Doktor 11:57
yeah, the narratives, the narratives. And sometimes we think the narrative is true. We can consensus reality we be where they say you you are, you have a friend who speaks you a certain way like they and other people say, yeah, she kind of speaks in a very patronizing way, or condescending way and you get validation from other people say, yeah, she’s kind of hard to to deal with. Now, that’s a narrative. But the reality is that when you talk about or that way, that friend, your imagination is still creating experience where you feel victimized or disrespected, when to rise above that is to realize that this narrative still doesn’t help either. Because I feel like this, how can I be more unconditional? How can I recognize that that’s her own pain body speak to me, and that she loves me. She’s unconditional. This is all she knows right now. So it’s up to me to create a narrative of more expansion, compassion, and to accept this friend who just communicates this way with a lot of people. And to not take it personally, we do that we could get really fixated on a belief. And it all hurts ourselves.
Nunaisi Ma 13:08
Right? So you’re talking about our nervous system, responsible for tuning our frequency to survival or thriving? Can you talk about that?
Dr Ray Doktor 13:23
Absolutely. Thank you for bringing it up. So if I were not getting sleep, if I were not eating well, and I wonder if I’m, we’ll be able to pay rent, several things are going to possibly happen in my experience with that. And so first off, when I watch the news, if I choose to, I’m not believe that story. Because I’m already in survival mode, I’m freaked out, freaked out. All of us human beings, we’re walking, talking and tenants, meaning that we’re vibrations, we’re frequencies. And we’ll tune in to that, which usually comes from fear, to wear things that typically don’t bother us, such as we don’t receive a text message right away. And we’re like fine with it. We wonder, we go back, did you get the message is everything okay? We go into fight or flight with many different experiences. So as an example, why this is very important, which I brought up earlier was that in this moment, we’re being bombarded by information from the news. And everyone’s saying each other’s a liar. So we have to know our own truth. We have to have our connection to spirit, God, whatever that higher awareness means to you. And so we’re being bombarded by different stories. And literally we will pick up on that we might wake up feeling sadness, or something and not know why it’s there. And it’s because we are all interconnected.
We are channeling this fear on this planet. We’re channeling also the joy on this planet. We are chanting death and also birth, all of us are having different realities. But if you’re more stressed, typically what you’ll channel is the fear on the planet. If you are more open and more relaxed and able to work through your stuff, you’ll channel the expansion, the sustainability, because while it looks like shit to many people, to other people, we’re seeing dolphin swim in the ocean, to new children being born to the ability to make money and a new way. There are things that are collapsing. But there’s also things that are being co created. So it’s very important in if you do have PTSD or something that’s not been spoken about trauma, then same thing, when you’re feeling you’re being bombarded by this information, it could trigger that it could trigger that and they could come out. And so that’s not a bad thing. I my approach my narrative, it would be, that’s a gift, because is there any way I would rather this come out, you know, by, rather than me taking it out on my child, I’d rather notice that something’s making me feel uncomfortable, rather than having negative thoughts about my partner. It’s recognizing that maybe I’m processing and experiencing life from the filter in which doesn’t serve me. But also, why would my body my nervous system, be tuned in with this, and it’s, you go back to haven’t been sleeping very much. I’ve been having these toxic conversations with my brother. I mean, the list can go on. And so it’s very important to provide self care for yourself. And so you can tune to your highest frequency,
Nunaisi Ma 16:56
right. And also be very, you know, selective with the kind of information that you allow in, right, because if you set yourself up to watch the news, then be prepared to get a, you know, tons of negativity and fear injected into you. And this is just how it works. So, you know, I haven’t been watching the news for maybe 30 years, you know, and I remember some conversations that I had with my dad about it. And he said to me, how can you be so ignorant? And I said to him, I don’t think it’s ignorance, I think it’s a wise choice, you know, when the news will be positive, and will inspire me and will add something to my growth, to my expansion, to my compassion to my love. I’ll be the first one to watch, right?
Dr Ray Doktor 17:44
Absolutely. I’m the same way I’ve I’ve not watched the news, I you know, once, the thing is that, when I watch it, I can see that there’s an agenda, it’d be different. If it were a journalist who’s saying, I heard this, I heard this, I saw this, this is just experience I had without it being like, those people, this is what they were doing. There’s definitely an agenda with what’s being shared out there and that I don’t feel comfortable with. But I’m aware of it. I’ll give me an example. So like, even like Facebook, you know, my, my, my brother talked about how like, they take information. They track you. And it’s so like, they you can continue to be bombarded by the information.
So you as a consumer will buy that? Well, the fact is, I have awareness so that if like, for example, I’m sick about taking, I could play a guitar, but I want to step up a little bit. I clicked on this thing here. And when I clicked on this guitar mastery thing, other things started showing up. I started clicking up clicking on all of them. And I was thinking Thank you Facebook for send me stuff that I’m interested in. Because the thing is that I don’t see it as the enemy but I see it as that it’s creating information for me to pick and choose. I am in control of my awareness and my consciousness. So I don’t see as being victimized, nothing can control me. So even the news same thing. I hear the way they’re sharing that perspective. Like I hear that narrative, I guess see with both liberal and conservative channels. And but I’m just like watching it, like children fighting.
Nunaisi Ma 19:28
Yeah, exactly. I would say wounded wounded children in adult shells. Right. Yeah. Playing playing games of power, greed and ego. Really? Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. This is yeah, this is our collective and this is why it is so important for us to claim back our power and take responsibility for you know, for our own personal journey because as a collective, we were brought up in this And of culture, and it’s only when we really choose to step away, and then unpack what we actually been downloaded with, right?
What is our software, so to say that we received the growing up as a, as children, especially in the early years, and it’s really about starting to shed off and let go of all those non serving beliefs that we picked up. And then and really stay with the essence of who we are, which is divinity and right, the power that the universe has, right, we are made from the same substances, and we have that same Infinite Intelligence moving through us. Right?
Dr Ray Doktor 20:54
Absolutely. It’s as an example of collective beliefs and ideas. And since I’ve shared so much here, I would like to kind of give a description of the, say, bat mechanism. So I was watching the bad news bears in the 70s with my son, and the hotshot kid Kelly in there, there’s a moment where he’s trying to pick up on a woman. And he’s saying, you know, he’s trying to pick up on he’s like, you know, I played for the bears, is like, I ride a Harley, does that turn you on? And it’s obvious that he’s trying to show his accomplishments and say, who is trying to be to be attractive to this person.
And it’s, its outward, obvious, okay? However, that like, for I’m assuming people who would watch this would kind of see it as insecurity, they see it as like, this person doesn’t feel enough. And yet, there’s another collective, collective beliefs of people who still do that. Here’s my PhD. Here’s my trophies here, all these things to give me a sense of values. So you say they trust you or respect you, that’s fallen apart. That is, that’s kind of like a collective idea of sense of self or worth. And so we’re expanding be beyond that, like that in a movie now meaning like, currently, it probably wouldn’t be comical, it wouldn’t make sense to the new collector norm.
Because it’s outwardly like saying that, hey, you like me, because I own a Harley, or you like me, because I play baseball or something. Versus now we realize we’re more asking a question, but who are you? Who are you behind beyond us? Who are you when you’re in your shit? What are your strengths and weaknesses? How do you show to the world and a planet? What is your purpose? What is your idea of of a happy community? You know, people want to know more of a, you know, talking about perfectionism. I’m talking right now. And I had a, a crown replaced, and they gave me a bunch of shots, you know, from now me. And my tongue is like, so as I’m talking on this interview, I’m kind of like, feel my tongue.
Well, I don’t honestly, this is example 20 3040 years ago, I would have I wasn’t, you know, doing this, then I was a little kid. But other other men would be like saying, Let’s reschedule because I’m not perfect. I’m not good enough. I gotta be perfect. But it’d be I gotta be talking this way. And better. I can’t be talking this tongue that’s doing that. So the the new coration is inclusive? That’s part of it. Again, the gear, what are your children might run into the room right now on this interview on this, I would hope you would not edit it out. Because that is life. You don’t I mean, that I live. There’s so many moving parts.
Nunaisi Ma 24:00
Exactly. And it’s really about showing up in the imperfection. And actually, you becoming more relatable, right? Because, you know, the thing is that people want to show their, their good sides. They’re kind of polished dimensions and the reality that we all human beings, we all have all of that all the traits, really all of it. And when we authentically owning that, and when we show up in our vulnerability in our realness in our role, and you know, human way we create more connection, right?
Dr Ray Doktor 24:42
It’s actually it’s the sexiest thing, at least for me. That’s my idea when I connect with people where I’m like, yes. It’s a true Vibrance. It’s your true energy. It’s so raw.
Nunaisi Ma 24:57
That’s right. Yeah, yeah. And then And I think we are moving there, although on the way there we are forced to wear masks, which is quite ironic, actually. Right? Symbolic. Yeah, because really the process of transformation in growth is unmasking and taking off all those masks that we, we had to put on, to feel love to feel accepted to feel belong. Because there were so many factors that that kind of interfere with our process of growing into rule we are here to be, and they, you know, we wanted to fit in, so we had to cut some edges and right, mold, some things to fit into certain boxes. And it’s really now stretching out and claiming our true authentic real power, which is, as you said, all of it.
Dr Ray Doktor 26:00
All of it, you know, it’s this is connected, at least my imagination, is connecting us to the idea of trauma now, so. So imagine if you grew up in a world where it was about black or white perspectives, being perfect to not behave in certain way to even like, say, if you had sexual abuse, an alcoholic parent, or something had happened to you that you’re embarrassed about to something you don’t understand. But then you are being pushed, to make money or to kind of claim that false sense of self, while this other part of yourself is disjointed.
A big part of trauma is this idea that we try to push away something that had happened because of shame, or something else. But in time it comes out in our skin as like eczema to a tumor or whatever else or to our behaviors. And that part of the healing, say, our trauma, our trauma on our planet, is this experience to be able to bring in the dark, and transform it into light. Because it’s what’s interesting is that, even like people who have had arguments, when they speak to truth, and they break through that conflict, more often there’s this like, natural feeling of like, feeling lighter, like that’s off my shoulders. It’s I let go of that, or after a really good cry, I really get cry, releasing that.
You mentioned something about the unmasking. I imagine there’s gonna be some people will connect that to their beliefs about the Coronavirus versus here and at some bottom symbolically. And there’s no way to stop that. And I want to share something about that. This is a prime example where there are people who come from communist countries to where they’re experiencing this, because it’s collective generational trauma in our body as another genocide or something else. That’s what people people who like say come from, you might call a privilege country or country where you just say you have like physical freedom, you might not understand this. But there’s there’s a lot of other people who were not able to express themselves.
So that’s kind of where we’re coming from also where it’s like that. We have to think not just about ourselves and our family, but the entire collective because we’re moving through this symbolic, symbolically, I can send my tongue. This means kind of funny, a lot more to other people. And it’s triggered that potential trauma, how many people were not heard or seen or value? Come on, raise your hand? How many people felt that way? Okay. So what do you think this might mean to those people are actually people who when they spoke up, they were beaten, or even murdered. So just be aware of this. This is a time where there’s a lot of this coming out. And when I say coming out, it can look negative, or it can look like this is what’s supposed to happen, because we all have been pushing this down and not talking about it.
Nunaisi Ma 29:36
Absolutely. Look, I my personal story. You know, first of all, I’m a third generation Holocaust survivors. So in my lineage that is Oh my goodness. But when you mentioned that communist mentality, I mean, I remember walking when I was say 910 years old with my grandmother, in a you know, in a town in Israel, not in Russia and You know, I was speaking to her and she used to say, sheesh, they can hear us. You know, she was really afraid that she somebody will overhear her saying something that is not allowed. And, you know, the next thing, you know, she’ll be persecuted, and so surreal, it’s absolutely real.
Dr Ray Doktor 30:23
I lost many relatives in the Holocaust as well. So I get that, I completely understand that. And it’s not the idea of saying that that’s exactly what’s happening. It’s talking about collective beliefs, emotions, things that look and feel similar to what had happened to even like, say, I have experienced the Carius PTSD from my parents, both my parents have passed away in the last three years. And they my mom grew up, where, you know, she was hiding from the Americans, and a Japanese and Okinawa. And so, when I was growing up, I couldn’t understand why my mom was always stocking up for with food. She was hiding the caves when she was a nine year old girl. And so like, our house was kind of like a Costco. And I’m like, Man, this is the place to go if we go to war. Exactly. I joked about it when I was a child, realizing, Oh, she was preparing.
So wish you Horton? Or was she trying to protect your family. So there’s these experiences. Now, if I not healed myself, there’s a possible chance I also would stock up with food. And my son would pick up on that and it’d be passed on. So sometimes we see outright meaning that like, the next generation, like me, I’ve got like, all this food packed up is still read, you know, still traumatized and living out? To you might not see it, it might be my emotions, don’t say anything, be careful, don’t be singled out.
Nunaisi Ma 32:02
Right. And you mentioned something about how we perceive trauma in the Western world, right is more like a memory and you have a little of a different outlook on that. Can you share?
Dr Ray Doktor 32:15
Okay, so this kind of ties into the beginning of this share. And that is, so keep in mind that neuroscientists, they can’t, can’t actually say that this part of your brain is responsible for memory, they cannot say this, they cannot say this is exactly what’s happened with 100% proof, they might say, the hippocampus, when damage seems to affect a person’s memory, where they can’t say that that’s where all the memory is, and so forth. So now this leads to your your question. So when they try to repair the brain, they do neurofeedback?
Well. Who the heck, what is the mechanism, watching the screen, if you’ve got brain damage, who’s this higher awareness, it’s consciousness. So if consciousness is helping you like, say, heal your brain and your feedback, then consciousness must be the overriding vehicle in this experience. Now, look at that, for a moment, classical science would say like memory is, say, in the brain, it would say that you have muscle memory, or a memory how to ride a bike. But if every cell in your body has been replaced within the last two years, and that you literally have a new brain, and maybe you have never, you haven’t ridden your bike and 25 years, who what is right in that, because like, for example, as you’re watching us, you’re not the same person, you were in high school.
You can’t even like connect any dots to why it is that you may be stayed with that girlfriend or boyfriend. Because it’s not the you’re not the same person. You may all this, were for ever unfolding consciousness. Even after watching this interview, you’re going to think differently, you’re going to feel differently, you’re going to become very a different person, you’re going to perceive life differently. Because you literally are a different person. We are shifting constantly, our awareness. Now if you say who you are, is his physical body and his brain. Like if you’re totally into the dance conversation, they might say, that’s who you are. But as you know, this physical body is just my hand, you’re not talking to my hand. You might see my face, you might have known me for 2030 years.
But when you talk to me, you’re not talking to that kid who was 25 years old, or my consciousness is back then you’re talking to how I perceive and express myself now. So I am always grown When. And so when we talk about memory, we are talking about in a snap moment with my new consciousness, me connecting, and experience a reality of something in which is moving through me now meaning that in a snarl moment, I’m perceiving something that potentially happened in 1978. And it’s the moment I’m drawn parallel connection to something that maybe happened or occurred, or whatever. But remember, when I’m drawing that connection to that experience, that person, it’s happening now in my brain is going to experience it as now. And if I start talking about a trauma that happened back then, in this new consciousness, it might trigger me right now. We’re all sitting, I feel trauma, and I’ll say, it’s my PTSD. No, it’s how I perceive and experience now. And it’s not integrated, and therefore I’m triggering my body now. So you see where I’m coming from. So it is your consciousness isn’t stuck in time. So if you filter something is now moment, from a positive perspective, more matter of fact, yeah. As an example,
Dr Ray Doktor 36:29
I shoot the show the story about 2030 years ago about my father, when he hit me in a mouth in front of the teacher, I’d stolen something and he just kind of went to the back hand me, and my mouth bled a little bit. And when I used to share that story, 30 years ago, I had resentment towards my father. And just imagine me sharing this with you just imagine you’re my therapist, and you go, and I start getting agitated. And you say, you know, you might have PTSD from that, right. Because the way your body’s responding like, it’s as if it’s happening now, because it is happening. Now. It’s not because what had happened to me, it’s that what had happened to me hasn’t been healed within my own consciousness. Now, it hasn’t been integrated to my new becoming now.
So now when I, if I talk about that, I can barely remember it. I kind of can see, I remember it happened with say, my teacher was Miss rush, whatever, but I have no charge. Because I also knew my dad was doing. He was in that generation used to kind of just hate you, too. My dad loved me, like, and he just wanted me to grow up with integrity and not steal, like he was doing his best. And I’m not saying that from their perspective, because I’m trying to forgive him, therefore, push it down. I actually don’t believe in contrived forgiveness. I believe in connecting to the most awareness that you can have to love yourself, and then see the experience to see whether or not you want to give this person the energy or not. I believe that you, it’s up to you to see the experience from whatever perspective and perception you want. That’s most healing for you.
So for my father, that truly is in my heart of like, my dad really loved me. I grew up I love who I am now, like, I grew up with a lot of the Marine Corps. Principles I always show up, I follow through. That was part of my dad’s teaching now what I do differently, do I hit my son? No, but the point is that I can get over it. He’s not supposed to be perfect. That’s another narrative I have. We’re supposed to fuck up as parents, we’re supposed to fuck up as human beings. And and once we realize that, we’re also able to find that in our heart to say, understand others, it maybe compassionately let them go if you want to use the word forgiveness. And when we get to that space, we’re able to take ourselves much lighter. I just realized that completely digress and original questions.
Nunaisi Ma 39:14
But that was that was that was a great journey you took us on because you know, I also don’t believe in in forgiveness that comes from the mind you know, when you say to yourself, Okay, I forgive. You can say that, but is it integrated? Is it embodied? Probably not. It’s really something that needs to be born organically because you cultivated that self forgiveness and self compassion first. And then when when when you forgive yourself for your humaneness for all your so called mistakes or you know, should have done that or shouldn’t have done that and all those ideas that we carry about ourselves.
And when we really connect to the entire spectrum of our being, as we mentioned, For with the shadows and their weakness and all that, then then we we can rest in, in that bridge between our humanity and divinity. And when we really find that, that sweet spot inside of us, and we realize that we are both, we can start see other people also, is that combination, right?
Dr Ray Doktor 40:22
Yes, it’s, it’s yes, the journey is within it is within, it’s typically not a whole lot changes out there. But a lot changes here and you perceive that differently. And when you perceive that differently, you respond to that and them differently, and therefore they have to show up differently and, or they have to adjust or whatever else or they’re no longer friends or they become better friends. It this is the process we have this idea by changing actions outside of ourselves to move in, you know, physical parts for better lives. But it’s starts with it starts with him.
Nunaisi Ma 41:06
It starts within and it ends with him right. This is the entire journey we are each and every one of us is the center of the universe, the universe is around us right we are in the center. And then you know, and all that infinity without also goes within we are infinite beings and universe on its own. within ourselves,
Dr Ray Doktor 41:31
you know, stole my father on his deathbed deathbed this year. And it was my so you probably notice on this interview that I smile a lot. Even when I talk about challenges now that’s I picked it up from my father, my father has carried over 1000 dead bodies. He was in World War Two, the Korean War three tours in Vietnam. I mean, this guy saw a lot of bloodshed, and he had been shot. And so and, you know, he’s he acts he died, died when he was two, his mom died, who’s 15 I mean, he’d been through a lot of stuff. But his humor, His love, His heart, helped them move through this.
And he one thing I learned from him to just to not take life so seriously, and that, you know, everybody eventually is going to die, you know, just all the resists change, changes. And December when he he had his 95th birthday, party on Zoom. You know, after that, about a week later, he just went Jesus Christ, how much more of this ship because he said like, he was like ready to die, but not from the perspective of pain, not the perspective that he was, like, resentful, just more God, I’m tired out my ass wiped and like, you know, and, and we can see he was done.
He lived two years longer than my mother. Like after my mom passed away, typically, people in that generation died right afterwards, because they have no purpose or whatever else or their sense of self as being in that marriage. I’m not judging it at all. He had purpose beyond that he there’s so much more about my father. And so come January of this year, like you see sort of the decline like he’s started like, checking out, he started having a ghostly look. And my two other brothers, we all spoke we said he’s ready to go. And so we kind of he we had another kind of more comfort care type of hospice care. And when I’ve come visit him, he would look at me we would hold hands and like, sorry, I’m getting emotional.
The greatest piece you would want to have for your, your parents or your loved one is just that look just like it’s okay. And he would I remember just smiling and sharing his moments where he’d go into like, what they call dementia Bismark he’s ready to go like he’s a little thought angry. He can’t get up. He can’t do stuff, you know, so like, let him be we didn’t like drug him up. We gave him some CBD like he was chill. He was cool. And he died in a very natural beautiful way smiling, but moments where he was yes, he was checked out look they had that kind of is like not zombie look, but just like he was there. But he had lived life. And he died with a smile. He died with his heart open. And he actually died three days apart from my mother’s death two years prior. They are born three days apart also.
Nunaisi Ma 44:35
That’s a mystery of life. And yeah, work in magnificent threads. And sometimes we were able to pick it up and then we in all of this synchronicity in this absolute or they’re in what seems to be chaos.
Dr Ray Doktor 44:53
Yeah, he my father lived through so much what we call trauma the way Process process that was everything that his life philosophies such as you know, shit happens, helped him move through a lot of things. So you know, and he again, he lived out his life with a lot of joy still.
Nunaisi Ma 45:18
It’s very beautiful. And let’s end on this join note. We are coming to Iraq here. And they I know that you have a beautiful gift to share with the audience. Do you want to talk about it?
Dr Ray Doktor 45:33
Yes, it’s called Rapid relationship breakthrough. And I made this program, it’s free. It’s about 90 minutes of videos, to a short guidebook to go through asking yourself questions, simple questions, that activate your consciousness, like I’ve shared completely like through this entire interview, to move into the space of more awareness to look at some of the programs that have been maybe embedded in your psyche that keep you stuck, even though it says relationship. Breakthrough. It is, it’s not so much about like, you know, the typical romantic relationship. It is a rapid breakthrough to your true self. That’s the
Nunaisi Ma 46:22
most the most important relationship right? The relationship with yourself. Absolutely. Thank you so much for this gracious gift. And thank you so much for coming in and sharing your your time with us. And if people want to find you work with you, follow you. What’s the best way?
Dr Ray Doktor 46:43
The best way to reach me is just go to my website, which is www.raydoktor.com I’m sure you have a link here. Yes. That’s my real last name and you laugh about it. Because still, to this day, clients will say what’s your real last name? Or people will laugh when I’m out and about? No say You know, if you’re a doctor, you’d be Doctor doctor and I’m like, I’ve heard it for really
Nunaisi Ma 47:16
well, you managed to stated that that prophecy right? So you became Doctor Doctor. Thank you so much. And I really appreciate your wisdom and your, your energy and your vibe. And the thank you for being here. And thank you for being in service and doing the beautiful work that you do in the world.
Dr Ray Doktor 47:38
Likewise, and I really love all that you’re doing. I love your depth. And it’s why I wanted to be on this call I get asked often to be on these anime being way more selective these days. Not into the cheesy, romantic, outdated paradigm conversations. There’s much more work to do here.
Nunaisi Ma 48:00
Right and
Dr Ray Doktor 48:02
that yeah, I’m not judging that but I just it’s just more like, Ah, okay. It’s to me, it’s just like, bad reality TV. So, right, let’s get real, I want to be real, let’s get real.
Nunaisi Ma 48:20
Let’s get ready. Let’s show up in all our imperfections, you know, and you know, even for me, it’s such a stretch, you know, English is not my first language as you can hear. And it was actually my worst subject at school, believe it or not, I could not grasp English whatsoever. Always had Twitter’s and, you know, being sent to anyway, ended up writing a book so I’ve done quite well. But, you know, I do have my accent and my tongue twisters and you know, my wrong words that I’m saying? And I’m just like, This is why am I you know, you get me as I am. And I love it.
Dr Ray Doktor 49:04
People say well, people, there’s gonna be people who might be offended the fact that I dropped a few F bombs. So it’s just you can’t please everyone.
Nunaisi Ma 49:12
Please everyone and it’s okay. You know, I’d rather people that love me love me for who I am, and see my heart and see my soul and that’s all that matters. And if some don’t like me, that’s also okay. I’m super okay with that. So thank you so much, and until the next time we meet
Dr Ray Doktor 49:31
thank you so much.
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